Monday, February 18, 2013

The Cardinal and What it means to me

The cardinal her daughter bought me.
I bought the second one when her
husband died so they still were together.
When I was still able to work, I worked at an assisted living. During that time I was taking care of a couple. Macey and Kirk. Well they were getting up there in age and pretty much Macey was the caregiver over her husband Kirk when I or another aide wasn't there. So one day Macey and I were talking and we sharing our experiences in how we loved birds and took care of a couple of cardinals and were worried who was feeding them now that we had both moved. Eventually, somehow the conversation moved to dying and life after death. And I asked her, if she died before me would she give me a sign, and we agreed on a sign involving a cardinal because we both loved cardinals.

A couple months later, while I was taking care of her, she passed away. It was really sad. I called her daughter and talked to her and after my shift got in my car to go home for the night. On my way home, a cardinal swooped down right in front of my windshied right as leaving the "Home" parking lot. I slammed on the breaks and remembered our deal. Then I thought, no it was just a coincidence.

But I decided to call her daughter and tell her anyways. So a couple days later she called me and said, wow, at her burial, there was this cardinal just sitting on the fence singing away through the whole thing. But still in the back of my mind I thought, well maybe again just a coincidence.

But then a couple days after that, her daughter was at a Hallmark store buying a card when she saw a little beanie baby cardinal. There was only one sitting there and she asked the lady to go check to see if there was anymore and explained why cardinals were so important to her. She came back with one more she had found and the clerk said why dont you open the little card on there, maybe there is a message for you in there. The card read birthday: August xx, (the date that Macey had died). I didn't question it at all after that.

This is just a couple example of things that happened with cardinals. Years later her daughter and I still keep in touch and share our cardinal stories.

So the cardinal became a symbol for me that things are all right. There is something more out there then this, here on earth. Thank God, right? When I finally got diagnosed with Lyme, I was so relieved to finally know what was wrong with me. I was told that in all likelihood after three weeks of doxy I'd be back to normal.

When that did not happen I went into a very anxiety ridden depressed state. One morning I tried to stand up and fell onto the floor because I couldn't feel my legs. They were too weak to hold me. I laid there on the floor for hours crying and started to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed. All of a sudden a calm peaceful feeling came over me, and a I felt this feeling that it was ok. I would NOT get better, but I needed to go through this to help others.

Then I got this feeling to try to get up and go look out the window. And sure enough, there was my little cardinal staring straight at me from a bush right outside my window. I knew that was sign that I am somehow meant to help others that are sick too. I also keep in mind that it is just not my time to get better and I just might not ever get better, but it's necessary to go through this for a bigger reason then I can understand. To help others.

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