Monday, January 16, 2012

I'm at a crossroads

I usually don't write too much personal stuff about myself on here. But I feel like I'm at a cross roads where I don't know what I believe anymore. I definately don't know the next step to take. I kinda feel like I am getting to a point where I am even "accepting" this disease. Am I losing my will to fight? I don't know. I feel like I have.  Or maybe I'm just waiting for something to come along that I believe will really help. I'm not sure. Maybe Bart has just drilled so far into my head that I just am not thinking rationally about it all right now. Could be. 

I am giving up on the abx and herbal route for me. But I KNOW it helps others, so in noway am I discouraging anyone from trying things to help themselves, just making this post about me. I feel like those ships have sailed and damage is done now. Maybe a change in diet and some heavy duty spiritual teachings is what I need. 

Where to start?


  1. Hey Lisa,

    don't feel bad about accepting the disease, I have to tell you, about five years ago now, one day, it was sort of like a light switch... I realized that I was constantly saying things like "when I get better, I am going to do....", all the time, and when I kept feeling like those things were unreachable, it made me utterly depressed and hopeless.. One day, a light sort of turned on in my mind, I told myself I was not going to keep saying things like that, that I was going to accept that I am sick, that this is the body I have, and that doesn't mean that I have to stop fighting it, in fact, I think it makes you able to fight harder, because you can do it without the constant discouragement of the "one days..." that not accepting it forces us to do. So don't feel bad about yourself for accepting your disease, it is a huge step and for me, it felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. I am still in treatment, (bacillin shots in the hip), still herxing, still sick, but I accept this is just the way it has to be for me right now, whether I like it or not. I hope this helped a little bit.

    -sarah a.

  2. THank you for writing me Sarah. I am glad you are in this spot too. I mean im sad we are in it, that we are sick, but if we have to be sick Im glad we are at this "acceptance" stage because now that I don't fight everyday to feel normal, what normal used to be, it seems easier to get through the day and through the symptoms. xoxo